sparx104 - sparx104 -

"I don't know who St Valentine was, but I hope he died alone surrounded by couples"

 - Miranda

Valentine's day is just a means to hurt the lonely.

If you've someone to love why do you need a day to show it? You should show you love them every minute of every day. We used to buy each other little presents all the time - if I saw something I thought she'd like I bought it for her.

Not that I hadn't hoped that I'd have had someone to love this year - was stupid to think that. I've only ever sent one valentine in my entire life - I was about 7 I think.

It's also continually rubbed in your face that you've no-one - every shop and restaurant has posters up. I've received so many emails from electronics sites, even audiobooks offering deals for you to get for your 'beloved' that GMail now deletes anything with "valentine" in the message.

So, for everyone whose got someone - make a special effort every day, not just the 14th, because being lonely hurts.

An article from the BBC...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8486406.stm

No wonder these little shits think they can do what they like. Some excerpts:

From Friday, a police officer will be able to seize alcohol from suspected under-age drinkers without having to prove they intended to consume it themselves.

Underage kids are allowed to drink only in their parents homes and a few other places - ALL LICENCED. There is *NO* reason for an underage child to have alcohol in public (eg. on the street). They cannot buy it so should not be carrying it for anyone else or such.

He will also be able to issue a so-called "direction to leave" order to children as young as 10 who are causing trouble - until now only those over 16 could receive one.

WTF? When did just doing as a copper tells you stop being something people did? Can we honestly come up with more pointless bureaucracy than this? a "direction to leave" order? No, just do what a fucking copper tells you, it's not bloody hard.

Finally, any shopkeepers who are caught selling alcohol to under-age drinkers twice in three months will immediately lose their licence - a toughening of the law from "three strikes" to "two strikes".

It's illegal to sell alcohol to under 18s. It's easy enough to ask for ID. There should be no "strikes" - punish for the first offence. Even if it's just "you'll lose your licence for a week - pull the alcohol from the shelves or shut for that time" - see how often they want all that work.

Of course, all this just comes down to the lack of respect and "I'll do what I want" culture we seem to have now. And I'm sure some scum lawyer will find a "human rights" excuse.

"You've got a lot to offer"

You know, everyone seems to be saying that to me at the moment. I guess in many ways it's true - from a "standard definition" I am a "nice guy": I'm honest, loving and affectionate, I always put other people before myself and would give the world to whoever I love (as I tried).

Unfortunately none of that matters as I have no way to show it - I have no way to meet someone. And, even if I did, the other, more "visible", stuff overrides it - if no-one's going to get close enough to see it then it doesn't matter.

I guess the old proverb is right: "nice guys" do "finish last".

You can lay your head back on the ground

And let your hair fall all around me

The above lyrics are from "The End of The Innocence" by Don Henley. I've always liked this song and always 'felt' something in those lines. I heard it again the other day after forgetting about it for quite some time.

It's 'funny' what comes to mind fairly randomly - it reminded me of how when we used to lie in bed and she'd lie on top of me her hair would fall around my face. It made just looking into her eyes, or kissing her, even more intimate - it 'blocked out' the world - there was nothing else but the two of us - nothing else in the world but her.

I never used to remember this sort of stuff. Now I do and it's just torture.

I miss her so much.

Christmas is for...

Kids

Families

Magic

Parents

2000 year old fairy stories involving stables

Joy

Walking in the snow holding hands with who you love

Excitement

Cuddling up with your lover in the warm

Snow

Romance

Hope

Company

Love

...but not for me: alone

Suicide rates increase around the holidays

Merry fucking Xmas. I hope it's the last.

No girlfriend and now no freedom*. What the fuck's next...

http://www.twitpic.com/o5p1k

*can't go out for 5 days apparently.

For the few who've not heard of Tamiflu - it's for swine flu. Which I apparently have now.

Oh well. Single again.

I suppose 4 and a half months wasn't too bad for a first go. Will probably be a while before I try again.

First post in a while. A couple of things...

1. The new "headline" style blogging has been abandoned as a total failure - I couldn't find enough interesting stuff to put up!

2. This blog will be used a bit more, mainly as just a way for me to argue the toss about the news. Then again, I think that's what blogs are meant to be for anyway?

3. Regarding that; on the subject of the Libyan terrorist and the Scottish arse...

The last two posts have been related to not knowing why I want a relationship. Here's a possible reason:

People are a complete mystery to me, but I'm trying as hard as possible to learn to understand them and how they feel. I'm also trying to understand what I feel and want.

Now, I'm slowly figuring out "rules" which allow me to deal with people on a less superficial level. However, the ones surrounding relationships are difficult to figure out, especially so without actually being in a relationship. I think I want someone basically to help me to figure these rules out. Of course, the stuff from the last post still applies: I will think (and give) the world to a girl (if I can ever find one) but need to find someone who is able to help me to figure out what I should do and feel and what she wants.

Of course, hypothetically (I really don't have much hope of finding anyone) this is unlikely to go well (and is a lot to expect anyway) so it's not just a matter of finding one girl but another after I've upset the one before.

So, I gone from having pretty much no hope of finding one girl, to even less hope of finding more than one.

I'm a fan of Black Books, and in one of the episodes Bernard decides to get himself a "summer girlfriend"...

"I've got to get a girlfriend, just for the summer, until this wears off. She'll be a summery girl. She'll have hair. She'll have summery friends who know how to be outside. She'll play tennis and wear dresses and have bare feet..."

I think I "feel" worse now because, with all the hot weather, you see many more women looking so pretty, and feminine in their summer dresses and such. Of course, you also see that they've all got partners who they're usually holding hands with.

I've also managed to add a few more reasons to why I'm never going to find anyone. Aside from having to find someone who's "quiet", likes to stay in and be affectionate, I need to find someone who's willing to be patient and understanding whilst I have to learn what's going on. They also have to deal with my inexperience in all this.

Add to that this "moral code" I've got where loyalty, and fidelity are very important and I'm never going to find anyone who's willing to deal with that, and, frankly, it's a hell of a lot to ask anyway.

On the other hand, I've always thought I had a bit to offer - I appear to be affectionate, I've always thought of myself as romantic and I'm happy to give the world to a partner/do anything and everything I can for them. I liked doing everything I could for her whilst deluding myself about having a relationship with the girl I've mentioned before.

I've also mentioned before that I feel like I've been born too late. It certainly seems the way with all this - I'm sure I would have fitted in better in the 50s. Even then I still wouldn't have found anyone though, I'm sure.

Finally, for those who follow me via Twitter - I apologise about the "New Post" tweets - I added automatic twittering to the blog engine for new posts. Just ignore them if you're not interested in the blog, they always start "New Post" so they're easy to spot.

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