sparx104
23 Aug 2010, 22:42:02
The Fermi Paradox:
 
Assuming Earth is "typical", based on the large number of stars and therefore possible "Earths" for life to have originated on - why do we not see the existence of any of this life?
 
This is obviously about alien life-forms. However, it also applies in another way:
 
Assuming I'm "normal" (outwardly I come across as "normal", I'm social, fairly outgoing, likable and quite funny), and, as people say - "you're a nice person", "you've got a lot going for you", "you've got a lot to offer" etc. and that I don't avoid contact with women (I'm usually drawn to them, especially in groups, and generally prefer to be around them) - why does this not "pay off" - why, based on this "evidence" am I still alone, or have no ability to find someone?
 
As much as I'd like an answer (or at least a *way* to find someone, I'm long past caring about answers just for understanding - knowing *why* you're lonely doesn't stop you from *being* lonely) I'm not hopeful - 60 years on and they've still not got an answer for Fermi, I don't see one coming for me.
23 Aug 2010, 00:18:08
At 1 in the morning, the day is not ended
By 2 he is scared that sleep is no friend
By 4 he will drink but he cannot feel it
Sleep will not come because sleep does not will it
- "My Manic and I", Laura Marling
 
Although I don't go through the extremes of manic depression I do go through cycles to a lesser extent. This is so true, doubly so at the moment.
22 Aug 2010, 00:59:53
Those who know me (or have read this site I guess) will know that I don't "get" art. I'm not artistic or creative in that way and can't "appreciate" art beyond the ability to appreciate that a lot of work and skill went into it (probably why I consider "modern art" to be total crap as there's no skill in pickling a pig...)
 
Anyway, for some reason I've been meaning to "create" these pictures (and a few more but I've forgotten the subjects for now). So, from the mind of someone to whom art is a mystery comes some art...
 
 
 
Click them to see a larger version.
13 Aug 2010, 00:01:05
As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts
Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms
Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?
For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt
 
- "Winter Winds", Mumford & Sons.
 
If you've not heard of them (most people don't seem to have) I recommend their CD. And Laura Marling's too.
07 Aug 2010, 00:48:53
Something in this "triggered" something (recognition? recollection? - I don't know - many of the lines seem relevant though), so I figured I'd put it here. If you ever get the chance to listen to October Project I recommend them.
 
From "Johnny" by October Project
 
Everything is different but
It's all the same to him
Everything is nothing like it was
Before she came
Before she stayed
And went away
 
She left Johnny like a stranger
Waiting in a small town
Measuring the small time
Nights were longer than the days were
 
Living in a small town
Looking for a door he could open
Hoping that he wouldn't break until he'd broken
Free
To the heart of himself
 
And he tells himself it'll be alright
Happiness is just around the corner
And he tells himself
It'll be okay
Happiness is just a life away
03 Aug 2010, 00:26:13
As you can see, this has had yet another redesign. The original design (many iterations ago...) had a lot of white space in it and it got more cluttered as time went by. Now we're back to using a simple, clean design.
 
I think it looks better anyway...
I write software for Windows, mobile phones and the web. All have different ways of organising a UI, this is some musings on them related to why (I think) the iPhone OS's UI is considered to be so "revolutionary".
 
First, a "standard" dialog for a Windows application (in this case, an RSS feed reader)...
 
[/s104/media/mf2.jpg]
 
This dialog follows the "usual" way of working on a PC - you select the item in question from the list and then choose an action from the ones available. Another way to have presented this would be to have the list the main body of the dialog and the buttons along the top in a toolbar. Either way there are some obvious "issues":
 
  • There's a lot of information on screen, a lot of which may be of little use to the task at hand.
  • It's not always obvious what things do what to what - for example, this dialog is shown by choosing "manage feeds", "edit" could mean: the selected feed, all the feeds or something else.
  • The buttons are available even when they cannot be used (eg. when no feed is selected in the list)
  • There is no direct link between the process "clicking the feed" and "clicking a button to do something".
 
Here's the same dialog using a "context aware" approach:
 
[/s104/media/mf1.jpg]
 
Here we only have two buttons which apply to the task in hand - managing the feeds - we can close the dialog or add a new feed. Clicking a feed in the list will show a popup menu with the tasks that are only relevant to that action and are obviously related to it as the action resulted in them appearing. In this case it's obvious that the items in that menu relate only to that item.
 
This is, what I consider, to be the main "ease-of-use" feature of the iPhone's OS: the fact that everything you do is logically related to the action you took - there's no breaking of the context or disconnects - you don't click an email to select it then find the delete option - you either put it into the delete "state" then click a button on emails to delete them or show the email then click a "delete" item.
 
Now, people may complain that it takes longer, or takes more clicks to do something with this approach but with the improved logical flow of the task it makes things a) easier to use and b) allows more to be done in a smaller space (the reason on the iPhone). It also removes the need for so many buttons - you need a means to select an item and an "action" button - eg. up/down and fire or a touch screen and a means to go back (and possibly "home").
 
Another example. To edit this post I had to click the following buttons on the blog engine: "Posts" -> "Drafts" -> (this post's ID) -> "Edit Content". OK, that may have been 4 steps but then it's more logical than selecting a "drafts" folder from a list on the side, then selecting this post in the main list then clicking a toolbar button for "edit content". Each step had a "back" button taking me one step back up (eg. clicked the wrong post? click "Back" to go back to "Drafts" and click the right one) and a Home button for quickly returning to the start. And, importantly, this works on any internet connected device as all the actual work is done server side. Here's a picture of what it looks like (yes, I like the design...)
 
[/s104/media/mf3.jpg]
 
Things do seem to be going this way more often on the desktop these days - the removal of menu bars from IE and Firefox 4 and such.
 
Anyway, that's my comment. Put yours below - I'd be interested in hearing them...
The effect of half a bottle of vodka and an idea. I have to turn this into something coherent...
 
good vs bad and the minimisation of negative effect
 
happy, euphoric, ecstatic etc - "good" is all i've got
same for "bad".
 
"good" is pretty much "less bad" - there's always a "bad" "feeling" - that is the depression? can fluctuate on it's own (or to me anyway) but
never goes. base line - used to it?
 
cannot control/instigate it myself
 
same "good" "feeling" triggered by (or "bad" lessened)
seeing something working well (no matter who "did" it)
well designed, concise code
natural beauty - sunset etc (not always and less so now)
 
"bad" worsened by
doing something wrong
not knowing what is expected/what to do
changes to routine/situation - changes to existing understood situation
reminders of being alone
seeing couples
pretty girls
kids
anything reminding of her
anything reminding that i have no chance to meet someone
 
"good" can be triggered by doing something which has made someone happy - it's "good" to ensure other's happiness.
- "living through others"
 
whilst together "good" was presumably overwhelming. "good" is unusual "feeling" - don't remember much due to "new experience"?
mental shutdown
"good" was promoted by doing things which made her happy, from buying crisps she tried and liked to sex.
- why enjoy kissing? and why more than sex? - too much "not knowing expectations"?
- sex - making her happy made me "happy"? physical vs. (lack of) emotional
 
- why not able to look into her eyes? - triggered "mental shutdown".
still don't know colour. won't ever now. [off topic].
** miss her **
 
"like" and "dislike" are not concious decisions to do something or not due to preference but due to affect on "good" or "bad".
i "dislike" social situations due to consistant "bad"/"distress":
mental shutdown
don't understand situation/not "in control"
- "in control" is not of situation but my part in it - expectations, tasks, rules.
"like" is "reduce 'bad'" or "promote 'good'" but no actual *drive* - state is as it is.
 
pain != "like" or "dislike". will cause pain - eg. bruises, pick at wounds etc. pain can be "good" in that it can take away from "bad"
 
"bad" can be triggered by music. "good" can't. "bad" triggering music => feeling sick. "emotion" via other sensation? "butterflies"?
 
self-harm zero's state - allows objective control over the state/emotions. limited effect
- how relate to stress? agitation? *is linked* fight-or-flight
 
failure of rules is "bad". success of rules is *not* "good" - just neutral. double negatives - opp of good is not bad - is neutral & vv.
 
discomfort from "praise"? - why? lack of "good"? due to duty/expectations/why not do if can? expectations?
 
"bad" can be triggered unexpectedly in sitations where "expected" but not always a)same or b) "usual" - news reports, funerals - some nothing,
some "bad". something going on underneath? build up until breaking point?
 
sex. think about it more. why? - not primary drive (or not aware of it). "sex without love is just putting body parts in one another"
(unknown attrib). have experience so understand what missing? - likely. "to have loved and lost is better than to have never
loved at all" - same thing? bollocks.
 
- pick up on sex references in songs which hadn't noticed before. "come on closer - jem". feel "bad" => not available? cannot
see way to get? not likely to be available. again, sex is *not* primary concern - **want someone to make happy?** - selfish "want"?
 
ex. "going to snowdon". no interest personally of doing it. with her - was "looking forward" to it - *was with her* - experience through her/
make her happy. folk festival - going with someone => them happy == "good". actual *going* means nothing, going and making them
happy => "good". [living through others again?].
 
"sad songs" => neither "good"/"bad" but *can* listen to. always drawn to "sad" songs? alanis, sarah mclachlan, "goth"? most is about
*ending* love not *falling in* love. can't listen to "love songs" - "bad"++. basis on songs?
 
"love" - i *did* love her (no matter what she said **past tense - she's not coming back**). love => wanting nothing but good for the other
person - their happyness was "good". had drive for that - never for anything else. pointless anyway.
 
upsetting her => very "bad". tried to learn. pointless now.
 
why want love?
- get "good" back/feel less "bad".
-caring for someone == "good"
- friendship?
- "liked" knowing what she was doing/involvement in her life
- purpose?
- "We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the
moment that we're not alone." (*lookup attrib*)
- purpose?
- kissing
 
08 Jul 2010, 17:09:06
Added some more quotes to the list which supplies the one in the top right of each page.
 
08 Jul 2010, 13:26:14
This site has a couple of psychological tests on it, one of which (the Alexithymia test) is quite popular - so much so that I've had to redesign the way the tests work so my visitor log doesn't fill up so quick...
 
Here's the available tests for those interested in taking them...